Sunday, August 31, 2008

Personal Retreat

I took a personal retreat last weekend. I got a hotel in town. Only my DH knew my exact accommodations and he agreed to only call if it was an emergency. I used and got a studio hotel room...I'm hooked. I liked the room because it felt like I was back in my apartment before I got married and I was only responsible for one person - me. After I got married I moved into my DH's house which he had for a couple of years. I recreated the space of my apartment in the spare bedroom. It was my room. All my stuff - set up pretty much like my apartment bedroom. It was bigger so I was able to add a full sized table for scrapbooking. When we got pregnant that room was was going to become the nursery. I had pictures in my mind what it would look like - however when it came to the big day of disassembling my stuff I fell apart and cried - I mean really CRIED. DH was confused at my emotions. I tried to explain that I was giving up my space to the baby. I know it didn't make sense to him to be excited about a baby and decorating her room and at the same time resenting that the baby was taking my space. I struggle today to find a quiet space in my home with a toddler and a hard of hearing husband.

It is hard to take time to quiet my spirit but to coordinate that with the household seem impossible at times. Part of the "noise" in the house is all the things that need to get done. When I walk in the kitchen and see the sink overflowing with dishes there is an internal nudging or a scolding even that I need to do this task. If my OCD kicks in it adds NOW!

In the past I have taken to 'running away' once a week to a coffee shoppe - which if funny because they aren't very quiet. I intend to keep up the practice of getting "me" time once a week, but I want to get away from the notion that I'm "running away". I want it to be a time for me to enjoy a cup of coffee and the opportunity to read a book, journal or work on a crossword puzzle - hopefully uninterrupted.

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